MY HANDS AND THEIR AFTERMATH - Alexis Wu

View the accompanying spoken word performance at this link.

Your cries passed through me like night cold air on my skin hanging & dangling to dry bare memory of us, hands clasped, grasped my wet eyes yellow like stars they flicker everywhere but yours the memory of you decays within my pillowcase starchy sheets stained speckled with dark in the morning like pupils my shampoo bottle, marzipan-scented soap my clenched fists, drawing blood my mouth, begging you to leave my mind because this ground was once love-soaked & you fell for me, like raindrops & i didn’t catch you i didn’t catch you i didn’t catch the words on my rotting tongue fast enough to wipe them away like tears & you fell a dove midflight feathered wings frozen night sky, watery blue exit wounds gaping at me little mouths filled with elegy i can hear grief from here “you did this you did this you” the innocent, you the sinless, you in the aftermath of me & my two hands still and still the skull breathes i am this far from then, measured in breaths i am this far from feeling like the insides of an animal & your blue, blue eyes haunt me at twilight ghost of your hand in my hand on my heart mouth with cut-tongue pink void apology on bloodless ears by which i mean: i can wade into our memories with soaked knees & never leave by which i mean: my words were the cliff of which you fell you fell you know & i know & we know i heard you i hurt you you bleed.